recently

Just heads up this has nothing to do with romance. Well.. I guess I’ll talk about my resent crush, I don’t know if this is a crush or just admiration towards him. It feels like a crush but I don’t see me together with him at all. I also don’t think about him that often at all. Although we talk a lot and I send him emails about my drawings sometimes, I don’t know if this is really a full crush. Well its not effecting how I learn from him or my grades so I’ll just leave these feelings as they are.

Well on to more important matter I guess…Recently I have been having nightmares, because of that I haven’t been able to sleep well. A few days ago I had a dream that where I showed one of my best friends from grade school my drawings. She just looked at how I decorated the front of my sketchbook and started to take the tape off, saying that I need to study the Fibonacci theory more I was really upset. I don’t know why… but to make matters worse my other elementary school friends showed up. Since I went to a really nice private school most of my classmates are all now doctors and like.. just really successful people. When they saw my work they also started talking about how I’m not good enough and I should just quit now while I can do something else. At this point I just woke up feeling awful and I just didn’t want to go back to sleep. I ended up just staying up watching youtube till morning. Then today I had a dream about how no one wanted to be my friend. People at school, my high school friends, just everyone. I felt pretty bad about it and just stayed up too. I think there was more to the dream but at this point I don’t really remember anymore. All I remember was feeling really sad, this probably has something to do with the fact that I have been playing tera with rene recently. Its a sign to stop I think. School starts tomorrow so I’ll just make sure to draw lots everyday. I asked for a new sketchbook for my birthday.. I really do hope that they give me one soon cause I’m running out of room in this one. Really I’m not kidding when I say I just want a nice small sketchbook so I can draw people in cafes and on the bus.

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