So last week I was taking the skytrain with my friend from school and all he talked about was how everyone is an asshole. Then he talked about how people are rude and he keeps saying Asians are like the worse race and such. He is normally like this and I just kind of brush him off. But that day was Wednesday and I had been drawing for almost 12 hours. I really wasn’t in any mood to humor him, at all and so I did something horrible and lashed out at him. Well.. I guess I didn’t really lash out… But I did speak my mind about the matter. I said that you shouldnt bunch people all together like that. I dont understand why he thinks everyone is out to get him. I also don’t believe it right to just call everyone a jerk when you dont know what they have gone through. When I said that he continued to go on and on about how he isnt wrong and just kept talking about how aboriginal people are going through so many bad things, how I should pity him and such. Thankfully my stop was next so I didnt have to listen to anymore of that stuff. But as I was walking home I started thinking of how poorly I handled the situation. In a way I guess he was right people can be jerks, but in the end he is just like them. He too is a person who doesn’t care about anyone but himself. But I said things that made no sense when I tried to rebuttal him and in the end I think I just made a fool of myself. I feel like I have also over all have less tolerance to people in general. None of my classmates have changed they are always like this but… I dont want to hear any of it. For some reason this girl is behind on every class ever.. how is it week 12 and you havent handed anything in at all.. isnt the school going to say anything about that? She blames it all of anxiety and stress.. but WHEN WE GET 3 WEEKS FOR THIS PROJECT I honestly dont know how you can be this behind. There is this other girl who like to show off her work too and thats all good and dandy but the problem is she doesnt want to get any type of criticism.
Also my parents arent helping at all, well mostly my mother. If I’m at home when she gets home she questions why I havent made dinner yet. Then about cleaning the kitchen and then about how lazy I am because I’m always on the computer. ITS ALMOST LIKE IM IN A 3D ANIMATION PROGRAM. Wow. I cant even fight with her if I use the same arguments that she uses on me she talks to my father about how the internet has made me an awful person. Although I dont think my parents are awful people and they are paying for my expensive school I wish they would let me work on what I need to work on. Its like staying at home is just taboo. In fact its really just my mother… as long as I dont have to talk to her I think I’ll be ok. To be honest I should talk to my mother about how I feel. Its healthy and she would listen if I would only talk to her. I’m just too stubborn and I think I’m just scared. I’m not smart like jenna and I wont be. I do know there are things I am good at. I wish my parents would praise me for that. But even if I do work on that stuff they don’t care.
I guess the people at this school… they are giving me way more stress then I thought they would. I.. really cant deal with people. I thought I could but with all of this, I’m starting to think not. Everyone has things they have to deal with, I have no right to get frustrated at them for expressing that. I just…I dont feel like people are taking advantage of me but I.. I dont know. I dont mind people expressing themselves. I think what makes me this most frustrated is how many excuses these people make. Just the lack of reflection they have. Maybe if you just looked back at how you act and what you say maybe you would be happier. Don’t take all your stress out on your children, don’t act like its not your fault, don’t run away from the people trying to help you. Maybe just spend a little more time caring about how you live your life.