my romantic fantasy

As embarrassingly as it is I have so many fantasy’s about the people I like. Most of the time when I lie someone I imagine what its like to be married or going out with that person. Most of these are through dreams and stuff though. So when I wake up and think about it… I don’t see any of that stuff working out or like.. they would never do that stuff.

God its so embarrassing… Just doing normal things like eating together and hugging… just hanging out and stuff. Although when I do have those thoughts it gives me a nice warm feeling, but also just a little bit of sadness. I don’t believe that going out with the people who I liked in the past would ever work out.

Ok um.. more of my weird romantic fantasy stuff… I.. just think about being loved by someone.. I think that’s mostly it… just like cooking together??  and.. talking together… just being with them?? um.. also as sad as it is more then a happy fantasy I have way more thoughts about how much stuff just wouldn’t really work out well… I dont know. I’m kinda pessimistic lol.

In terms of my current romantic status, I don’t have anyone that I like. I think there is a classmate who is cute, we only talk about school and drawing though. There was a tumblr post that I read earlier about how people think romantic love is the only type of love. Even if we are loved by our family and all our friends its just not as accepted as romantic love. uh… that sounds really weird.. I dont really know how else to say it.

At any rate it made me think about how there are so many people who like me. I have so many wonderful friends in our skype group and at school too, and as much flack I give my family I know they love me dearly as well. When I think about that, I feel much less alone. I am truly a lucky person who just keeps wanting more and more.

While I’m on this topic, I have also been feeling very jealous over how many confession my friends have gotten.. over their whole life lol. I dont think its right for me to feel this way, jealousy is an awful feeling. I’m just feeling jealous over the fact people like them I guess. man I’m not a nice person :T

How I feel about how attractive I am… I think I’m okay, like a 5/10 kinda person. I think if I lost weight I would be prettier but food it just too yummy and I’m so horribly lazy I can’t even. My face is okay thats what lots of people tell me, but they then go on to say how I’m just kinda… um.. large. I do agree with them and I do want to be healthier. BUT FAST FOOD IS JUST TOO CHEAP! I need to start waking up earlier to make food really… I need to do more exercise really. but I hate it. sports suck.

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