what hurts the most

Hey look its a blog post lol, I haven’t written one in ages.. there goes my one a month haha

Recently I have had a hard time sleeping, I think its just stress about demo reel and work and such. So I figure the best way to spent this time would be to sit around and write a blog to just think about stuff.

One my feeling have been pretty good. The one I feel the most is annoyance for that guy, I know that people tell me to ignore him cause what is one person to whats important right?

well that one person, he is very honest, perhaps to a fault. Something I do know is that he works really hard. I dont like how he looks down on my friends and what annoys me the most is how powerless I am to go against him.

He is better then me. The teacher have even taken note of it.

Maybe I’m just hiding behind the fact that he is being mean to my friends and i just cant stand that I cant do anything to go against him.

Something else I have found what people really thing about others.

In this school there are people who have gone though  a lot of hardships in life. They read people and understand more then I ever could. Things I could never understand. Somethings that I do and people brush off, but when others do it its not ok.

When I was talking about a few friends of mine about the difference between confidence and being an asshole, I really dont know the difference.

I just thought being an asshole was someone who is too confident. They told me it really wasnt the case.

people who interrupt without care, someone who only talks about themselves without care, being a person who begs for food when we dont offer them any.

All of these things that people dont like, I felt I did these things often as well.

Whenever I bring it up they just brush it off like “oh its fine when you do it cause such and such you are different”

Now I think they are saying that cause they think of me as a friend and with friends you just have much more tolerance.

But it just makes me think, if I wasnt their friend how much would they hate me

I’m someone who doesnt really think before I speak and I just love to talk verbal diarrhea. Maybe I really am hurting someone, maybe I really am annoying people.

This is just something I should learn from, I’m only human and I will make mistakes like this.

What is the most impotent thing is to learn from the mistakes I do, its important for me to learn more. I need to understand more as well.

sometimes when I ask to understand someone, I’ll tell you guys about it too. Now my thinking possess is to share what I have learnt to others. But I understand now that it is more a invasive act of someones privacy.

I also found that the I have stopped really getting any advice from your guys . But that might be from me not sharing as much.

A show called Steven universe had an episode about facing what hurts you the most. I watched it cause all the creates talked about how important it was to them.

What you do to people can hurt them, what people say can hurt you. What you must do is face the problem and not run away.accepting that it hurts it the first step to growing.

It was mostly what the episode was talking about, if you havent watched the show before that one isnt the one you should start with lol.

One of my classmates watched it and said it was exactly what she needed.

I think is is partly my fault she needed it. All of you know me, always sticking my nose in  other peoples business.

I go see all the animation teachers to get help on animation, and I have been inviting her all term to get her work looked at and so she finely came with me a few weeks ago.

The teacher had nothing nice to say about her work. I honestly didn’t know she was so far behind.

She held a strong face but I knew it hurt her quite a lot. I dont know what else to do.

what is the right course of action? Let her go on her way without getting an animation teacher to look at it? have someone honestly tell her about her work?

I still dont know what I should do.

Before I always believed that being honest and true was the way I should go though life.

But now I just done know… I feel like I need to lie more then before.

I feel like be telling the truths I just get punished in the end. I get hurt and so do the others.

should I just start lying and keep quite? maybe smiling and nodding is the best course of action from now on.

I dont know what to do, but the only one who has the answer is me.

Oh on a slightly brighter note, I figured out something about some people by using what they told me.

I felt like such a detective lol. Something they didnt tell me something I figured out all by myself. I wish I could do that more often, just getting people from the things the tell me.

I guess its easier when everyone is in the same friend group though.

Something I want to learn by the end of the year is how to read people. By how they speak and act, I am still not that good at it. Its about making assumptions and being confident about them. I’m good at neither of those things though lol.

I should just go out and talk to more people… maybe that will start enlarging my world to the problems they face.

my own inexperience frustrates me

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