Im a different person now

I havent posted anything here since 2018 huh? How time flies.

You know I dont even remember what the heck I used to write about… but from the title of this blog, probably a lot of self pity, and asking why in the world I dont have a boyfriend.

Well, sorry to say past me, you’re still single. But I have graduated school and started working. I met so many new people and have become a better person, as well as a better friend.

I no longer feel the crippling loneliness we were so accustom to. ‘Although I do still get lonely. I now have friends I can reach out to at anytime. People who wont judge me for whatever problems I have.

I dont think I never thought I could become like this… back in 2015, what did I think of myself? It feels like forever ago… what kinda person did I think would be good for me? Whatever I thought its probably not the same now.

Its a little upsetting that most of my other friends have now gotten girlfriends and boyfriends, while Im still single, but at this point this has become more of a me problem then a.. “why dont boys like me” problem.

Im still upset about my weight.. although I have lost some. I dress better now, cause I have money, and feel much prettier.

I had a crush who didnt like me back, but thats nothing new haha. Honestly that was more of an annoyance then anything. It would be nice if I liked people who liked me first, but I guess it would make it too easy huh?

Goals for the future… maybe put myself out there more? Im a true adult now, I should be better at accepting failure. But Im still very scared of it. I would like to lose more weight… I would like to… finish redecorating my room. I want… so many things.

Growing up still overwhelms me, but I hope I continue to become a better and kinder person to others.

Growing up

Today I had a diner with my coworkers. After eating a $40 meal… I was so full but I didn’t eat $40 worth…we went back to my leads house to chat and just play games.

After playing a few jack box games we started chatting. Two of the girls became very chatty. So much so I never got a chance to talk.

Now I guess it was ok… but in the end it was about moving up from being a mid lvl animator to a senior or lead. It was them sucking up?….I guess that’s not really the right word for it. But they talked so much about it and in the end my lead was just ended up saying good things about them. And how production really liked their work.

Meh I guess I shouldn’t let any of this get to my head. I don’t want to do 12 hour days anymore.

They did bring up how we shouldn’t compost ourselves to others. Also worrying is just giving yourself twice the pain…

Eh anyway I just wanted to get my thoughts out.

People who speak out and take initiative get things out of it

I need to make it my goal to stop being ok with how things are

I should fight to let myself bee heard

I need to grow as a person

SOUVENIR BLOG PART 2

The next day Brian made breakfast for me, he made some type of pork soup. It had seaweed, small pieces of pork, and soy sauce. I think there was more to it but that was the basic ingredients.

I also had rice and some side dishes. I must say quail eggs are much tastier then I had thought. I found that I’m not a real big fan of straight up sesame seeds leaves though.  The flavor was much stronger then I thought….

That day I met up with Tiffany and Emi’s friend Jessica! We met up in insadong,  its close to the old royal places. There are lots of alleyways to get lost in and I believe its part of its charm. Although I didnt explore too much while I was there, we did go down one of the allyways for some bingsu at a really cute traditional cafe! They had a bird cage with two bugies in the cafe as well! 

we sat on the ground, I had shorts on that day so it wasnt that bad, but poor jessica had a very cute dress on that day. It was a little hard for her to get comfortable.

After we had bingsu for breakfast, we walked around I bought a hat due to the heat.. but mostly cause it was super cute

I think we just shopped around honestly I dont quite remember since it was pretty over whelming for me. So much so I forgot to take more pictures… Asian is so different from north america, thought I guess that’s a given. I guess I was just ill prepared for it.

After walking around for a bit we ended up going to a restaurant we walked past at the entrance we met up at.  I took a video of all the food but I dont know where to up load it so I guess you wont be seeing it. Though… Im pretty sure I put it on snapchat too. The meal was like less then $15 I think… And we thought that they charged us the wrong amount cause with all the food we got it was definitely over $15. They didnt… it was really only $15.  But we ran away regardless lol. Food is really cheap in korea, well eveerything was cheaper then cananda I guess… I had learnt that canada was just exspensive and korea had a lower cost of living.

After lunch we made our way to samcheongdong, well tried to lol. We ended up getting a little side tracked on our way to the area, again I dont have pics just a video.

Anyway samcheongdong is a place where all the houses are traditional  korean houses. So there were lots of girls dressed up in hambok! walking around taking lots of pics…Everyone was super cute.

One of the houses there was open for people to see. Inside there was a small museum of wooden dolls. Apparently they used them as charms! These ones where used for traveling merchants.

as we where walking back to the subway I ran into this super cute cafe! I never went in I just thought it was cute. A part of me wishes I went in.. but it was so hot and everyone was pretty tired I didnt go. Also I wasnt hungry so.. I wouldnt have gotten anything anyway.

LOOK AT THIS!!! BIRD sHAPED COTTON CANDY.

I wanted it so bad. But in the end I didnt end up buying any cotton candy this trip… Mostly I really didnt want sticky fingers… and all the sugar… as much as I love it… all the drinks I had were super sweet, I just want water. So I never bought any wonderful bird shaped candy :C

for dinner we went to a place that had just street food! But it was a restaurant, so we got to sit down and eat. There was fried tteok, tteokbokki, mando, kimbap and Eomuk-guk

The kimbap came quite a bit latter so I dont have a picture for it. I was too busy stuffing my face with food.

souvenir blog part 1

OK here I go! time to write 8 blogs cause you guys dont want facemasks.

First day in korea I had dinner with Brian, we got snowfall fried chicken.  It was pretty yummy, korea has really nice fried foods and I think I had something fried almost everyday. Pretty awful for my diet I know but I guess Im on vacation so we can let it slide.

The next day I met up with tiffany and Emi, I got lost in the station and Tiffany was pretty mad. Honestly I should have taken the subway to the station instead of the bus. If I had done that I wouldnt have gotten so lost. Well.. mistakes where made, time to live and learn.

We ended up walking around namdaemun and I bought some tot bags, stickers, stationary, some washi tape and a few ball point pens.

We had some blood sausage for snack. Although it was really hot there, I think we had some fishcakes as well casue that was when emi fell in love with the fishcake broth.

 

There is a lot of pretty street art in korea. I think emi put some of the photos on her instagram. you guys should check it out if you have the time.

Let me take this this time to talk about my love for blue lemonade I developed in korea. Its so great, I want to make it here. I dont have the syrup tho… I guess superstore would have it. Anyway if we have a tea party I want to serve it.

For dinner that day I think we had cold buckwheat noodles, bibimbop  and  galbitang. I really like the cold noodles and I want to learn how to make it.

Later we went to myeongdong and had some tea at the innisfree cafe. The place is full of plants and on the top floor has a small stream down the middle of it. I heard many good things about it from korean vloggers.

I really love the cafe culture in korea. I wish we had something similar like it in vancouver. I think its cause the apartments are so small you end up entertain your guest at cafes. Although.. I feel the ones I went to.. the drinks were really expensive… like $7. Not worth… if I lived there I dont know what I would get… maybe the iced americano :C

I ordered the blue lemonade and Tiffany got the apple mojito. I think I liked the apple mojito more this time. It was sweet and a little tart, although I think I liked it so much cause I was craving apples. Getting fruits and vegis was a little hard to get eating out everyday.

Emi also got a bingsu cake thing. We poured some mango syrup around it and in the middle of it there was mango. 

This was the view from the window of the cafe. Our original plan was to eat the street food for dinner, though in the end we had a real dinner and went to the cafe after. I had to come later to try out the street food.

I think I took the bus home as well that day. Gosh I dont like the bus system that much.. I have no idea what stop is mine… I think that was the last time I took the bus. After all that I spent the rest of my time learning to take the subway system. I think by the end of it I can say I have mastered the Korean subway system!

Although to be honest I dont think the subway is hard to take.. there is just a lot of different lines to take. Also looking at the map for the first time can be a little over whelming.

An hour early to my flight

I guess its better then being late… But what do I do for an hour. Also I have to sit for another 14 to Taipei… Hmm.

I have a little anxiety about this trip. Just the feeling of going on the plane by myself trying to find my way in a country I don’t even speak the language of.

Although this is my first trip with friends, so that’s exciting! I hope I don’t end up dead somewhere lol.

Allen said I should talk about my first job. I guess I haven’t written a blog since I started working huh…

I thought that as my first job it was really nice and somewhat relaxing.

The people on my team are really nice, I can ask them for help at anytime and they stop to help.

Chris and affy are a little distracting at times though… I should know better and ignore them… But what they say is so crazy I stop doing my work.

What else… We can bring dogs to work so that’s cool. Uhhh I kinda got a hang of animating now.

At my next job I really hope they promote me to an animator (I’m still a junior)

um… What else can I say… I can see now how reputation can kill you in this industry. Everyone knows everyone. The grape vine is a scary thing… People are so tightly knit together. There are also many people who have a… Large who I have heard.

Alright its 12:40 people are going to board soon… I wonder if i should just wait out here till the end… There is no need to quickly get on a plane I’m going to be stuck on for 14 hours.

Lets see… Allen was also saying how “although it’s the end …its just the beginning” kinda thing to the end of my contract.

I guess its just beginning cause I’m going to be working on this super exciting project when I get back!

Honestly I don’t know what it is… I think it’s more film then tv I think… But who knows really.

My director for SMO (the contract that just ended) he gets to make the new team for this project. He said he will get me an interview when I come back from Korea… 

I hope he is telling the truth.. And not just.. Trying to make me feel better lol

The nice thing if I do get to work there is that it’s a 20 min walk from my house!

No more bus pass for me! I can also get more  exercise this way too. I really need to work out more… I have been getting lazy as of late.

Uhh at work I have been watching a lot of musicals. Every time I see them, I just want to burst into song! Too bad I’m not a great singer.

How they act and how everything is staged is so nice! I wanna go see a Broadway musical some day. Going to new York sounds like fun

Maybe when I have more money.

Wow this app uses more power then I thought… Or I just type super slow… From when I started this blog to now I used 10% battery… I hope I can charge my phone on the plane. I think all the new plans have charging things now…

It is a 14 hour flight… I think so…

Oh right in the event my language gets lost… Going to Brian’s will be much easier. I won’t have clothes but there are so many places around I’m sure I can just buy something.

Allen’s third blog

This whole month has been really fun for me. I turned 24 and I have so many friends that celebrated it with me.

The whole hosting parties thing was a little stressful, but I feel like I grew as a person because of it.  As much as I wish for this to be a happy blog, these past few days I have been just a little hard.

Not really.. about me. So far everything has been going really well, I’m so happy that its making me feel guilty.

As for why… I met up with a friend of julia’s from high school. A girl who has the worst, I guess luck we can call it, in boys. Her last relationship ended abusive and with a restraining order. Not the best to be sure.. it was so bad that.. her old highschool friends no longer hang out with her.

Now.. I understand if someone gives me too much stress I dont put in the effort to keep being their friend. There are too many people out there who I enjoy to spend time with you.

But this girl…. she was talking about how she was fighting with this new boyfriend. She just met his parents, they started dating 2 months ago and are already living together. She just broke off an abusive relationship.

Even when she was with this guy.. he just.. was not my cup of tea. Someone who felt insecure about their relationship, who just said whatever he wanted without caring about others. Wanting everyone to go at his tempo, whenever he did go with his GF request it was always like a favor. “UHG you wanted to eat right? Lets just go”

Kinda like that, I dont think I ever felt so much stress from spending so little time with someone. He liked to display his affection to the GF too. I really dont want to see you make out. I really dont, I’m sorry.

She made me think.. I really dont need a boyfriend. I would be much happier on my own then with someone like that. I dont want to be with someone who is like that. Insecure,  defensive, cant read the mode, doesnt care about anyone else but himself. He just over all felt like a disagreeable person.

I feel like they started dating cause he wanted to show off that he has a girlfriend, and she started dating him cause she needed companionship.

I guess those arent bad reasons to start a relationship really. What I really didnt like was that… she said they were fighting a lot more, And that it was cause she was just irritable.

Just by having dinner with them I know that its not… not her fault.

I met her for lunch with Julia earlier that day, and since the two of us didnt finish work till much later we declined to meeting them for dinner.

Lol what a surprise we ran into them for dinner too.. at 8. They had rented out a Air b and b in Burnaby… so we didnt exspect to run into them again.

Its pretty far… I think this girl wanted to spend more time with julia so she came back to gas town hoping to run into us… I mean I guess it worked.

You know I dont think I have ever felt so much stress in my life. I just wanted to have some stress korean chicken.  I DIDNT EVEN GET THAT

This girl wanted to eat seafood, so we were going to go get sushi… and then her boyfriend doesnt like sushi. So I thought we might as well go to robson cause there is lots. But these people dont like walking either.

We ended up going to red Robbins. Whatever I guess… EXCEPT THEY COMPLAINED ABOUT THEIR MEAL. So she wanted seafood right, and so she ordered the salmon dinner thing, and it was.. not the best I admit. But her boyfriend got the same thing as her and complained to the manager about it. Also her boyfriends cousin was there.. and he ate half Julia and I burger.

He then proceeded to complain to the manager about how they SWITCHED OUT ORDERS IN THE END HE JUST FRICKEN TOOK THE FOOD AND ATE IT WHEN THEY BROUGHT IT OVER.

Yeah I dont know man, it really made me re-think how much I wanted a boyfriend. Someone like that just.. isnt my cup of tea. Being around him was stressful, and I was only with him for a few hours.

Apparently he was yelling at her earlier that day too, he says he loves her, but in the end he doesn’t respect her at all.

How can she let someone do that too her.. I don’t really get it. She feels everything is her fault and that if something is wrong she has to fix it. Her confidence is just so low… not only that but moving in with this guy after 4 months just feels too fast. She is only 22.

 

Allens second blog

For my second day at work I got there about 10 minutes earlier then the first day. I tried really hard to get that other shot done as soon as I could. It took me till I think 11? After sending it off to my director I got some more shots to work on.

This one was much more fun to animate. I was really animating something, one of the characters just talking. For some reason I was unable to get to the right layout scene, so I ended up just using the layout persons last save file.

It wasn’t the  right save file lol. I had to copy my animation to the right save file… This is why we look at shotgun (the animation thing that shows everyones work or something.. I dont know how to explain it.. just know I use it for work) to make sure if youre using the right one.

Um.. I think for lunch that day I went out for Vietnamese food with some classmates. We ended up talking about all my mistakes I made that day. They told me not to worry about it but, I’m really dragging people down… I really dont want to make others stay behind to finish the work I’m too slow to finish. Making others have to do overtime is just something I wanna avoid.

The people around me (who are supposedly on my team that doesn’t exist yet) have been at this point helping me with animation and how to do things. In fact one of them gave me his notebook filled with everything he learned from a guy who went to a pixar animator’s lesson thing. Anyway its super helpful and I read it whenever I get a break.

On my third day, I had a bunch of revisions to do on my shots I sent in the day before. Fun fun fun. At this point I really didnt wanna work on that picking up wand shot anymore. I tried as hard as I could to fix it and sent it in again… It took me from 8:30 to 12.

It felt like another failure. I just take so gosh darn long to finish things. The people next to me (Gabi and Chris) told me not to worry too much about it. They said it’s much better to learn how to do things right then rush and learn bad habits.

I ate lunch at my table. No one wanted to spend anymore money lol, although in the end we ended up walking around downtown… I think we went to david’s tea at PC… Carlo wants to go on a tea cleanse or something. I dont really understand but whatever floats his boat?

After I got back from lunch I worked on the animated dialog from last time. It took me the rest of the day to try and do the lip sync and even then I dont think I got it right. man…. I sent it in to get looked over, but I dont know what my director thinks of it.. still waiting for some feed back.

Right.. on this day I went to visit the school and see what all my classmates where up to. I was pretty against going cause the school made some new rule about as soon as you graduate, going back to the school is not aloid. Something something if you get hurt the school doesnt wanna cover you.

Anyway caasue we were seeing a teacher who I thought would kick us out like no tomorrow I really didnt wanna go. We ended up seeing them and at first he was like this is all good and dandy.. but everyone was so exited to see us we got too loud and he ended up kicking us out lol

oh they also gave me some cake. It was super yummy.

After that I tried to go home…. keyword tried. For some reason the Canadaline was down from waterfront to city hall… you know I could have taken the other skytrain I’m an idiot.

I ran into my teach/director…. and since we were both trapped downtown I just followed him. MISTAKE #`1.

First he gave me another warning about how slow I was. AND HOW I AM A STUPID PERSON WHO MADE THINGS TOO COMPLICATED AND SPENT 3 DAYS ON SOMEThiNG THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE 30 MINS.

He explained how I was supposed to do it….man that made me feel bad.

and then I just followed him till I found out I missed my stop… but ended up on 49th so that was good.

the skytrians worked over there so I just took that home. good times.

Then that leads to my half day… I DID NOTHING. I spent the whole time trying to fix something that I didnt know how to fix… I asked the people next to me for some feed back. That kept me busy for a bit but… not really.

I didnt ask for anymore work.. maybe I should have… oh well. Anyway at like 12 everyone went to lunch, cause the day was over and stuff. I got my company mug so that was cool.

They had free spiked punch and baileys with coffee or something like that.

I worked on one of my classmates shots for practice. I did just for fun cause I suck.

Then I just wondered around downtown with him… He told me how he picks up girls is by keeping up with events… from what he sees in stores and such. Well.. I think it works for him so whatever.

I think I went home after that… what happened next… I had a family dinner… where I sat at the kids table and wanted to eat the adult tables food… I should ask my grandma to give us the same food as the adults now.. all of us are over 10 years old….

I am super pretty. if I add just a few more words this will be 1000 words. YEAH

 

first day of work

Okay so I woke up at 7:30 and ate breakfast I wanted to leave early, BUT I was still late. Good stuff

In the end it didnt matter cause everyone else was later… I had to talk to HR before I started work. She didnt show up for like an hour, so that was cool. I ended up talking to the other animators who started today.

I was the only junior, everyone else was a senior animator. It was fun to listen to them talk about their past shows.

When we did get to our seats and settled down, all I did was log into everything and read what all the stuff does. There was a “bible” thing for the show I’m working on, so I spent a while reading it. All it talked about what the show was about, you know… preschool monster kids learning how to be good humans in the future. No one wants to hear about that. I am also under a contract now.

After that they gave us some work to do. I was assigned a super easy shot. SO EASY YOU DONT EVEN KNOW. But more on that later.

After I got my shot everyone was like. ITS LUNCH! and even though I brought lunch, thinking it would be social suicide I went.

we took a 2 hour lunch.

I sat there very awkwardly. In fact I was so awkward my teachers commented on it.

I had nothing to say.. and I wasnt really hungry at the time either so I ordered the cheapest thing I could a bowl of soup.

I wish I could say something about the lunch but really I dont remember much. I was in the middle of the table and each end of the table had a different convo going on so.. I was listen to both of them and none of them. yeah.

Anyway after lunch I spent the rest of my time working on the shot I was given. I thought it would take me a few hours to finish it… and I would ask for another shot later… but no.

I spent the rest of the day doing a 38 frame shot. for like 4 hours

OMG STEPHANIE WHY.

I wasnt even polished work. just like layout stuff.. god dang… the teacher come up to me and was like… if you have problems you gotta ask… AND I WASNT REALLY I KNOW HOW TO DO THIS. man… but after that I just bothered the people next to me about how to animate things faster.. cause like this isnt going to work.

The people who sat next to me started today too.. both are super nice and helpful.

They said when you just start out its just how it goes and always look forward.

They also told me then confidence is the best thing to have and must be safe guarded.

Annnnnd thats all I remember.

I finished that god dang shot and asked for a new one. But the director (who is also my teacher) told me to go home cause it was 6.

I’ll try to work harder tomorrow.

gone for 3 weeks

I’m leaving Vancouver for 3 weeks

dont look for me.

Feeling awful

I havent cried this much in a while. This whole week has been pretty hard for me.

I say hard to but I guess the bad stuff started yesterday.

My mother got really mad at me for the mess the dowstairs were in.

In the end its my own fault, when people come over I am responsible for everything they do. But… is it really too much to ask… when you break something please tell me so I can fix it…

All this stuff is just too much… I dont think I’ll have people over for a while.

Anyway I got in a lot of trouble for it. I was called a lot of things I do not wish to repeat. The worst part is, it really is all my fault. I could say noting back to my parents.

IT really hurt a lot… so to make myself feel better I ended up cooking a lot of food. As much unhealthy food as I could.

Even when making everything though I wasn’t hungry at all.. haha… I just made it and ended up putting everything away.. I think I ate like 1 small bowl cause I felt I should rebel against my diet somehow.

I mean all I made was Japanese curry with hard boiled eggs… and potato korroke lol

I was to tired to deep fry so I made the korroke today. I ate like 3

I ate some curry this morning too.. I couldn’t eat it all so I ate the rest of it for lunch…

THEN MY AUNT CAME. She is.. uh… a little….. overweight. yes.. lets say that.

Anyway as well still feeling completely awful she started to lecture me on how unhealthy I am. How I should watch what I eat and stuff… man what a punch to the gut.

Then with dt calling me retarded… ugh I’m just a mess.

I guess he is right though.. maybe I should just not say anything. I dont know anything about esports. I guess I dont really care about it either. Really… if only I didnt say anything. I’m so dumb

Im just complaining I guess I have a job lined up for dec I just need to wait it out. Maybe if I spend more time reading or something I wont feel tempted to say stupid things.

I’m was going to do stuff today.. but I spent most of it just feeling sorry for myself

God what am I doing.